Peace

I just sat down and took a deep, deep breath. This has been a trying week to say the least. I felt God's presence through it all. He spoke to me and reassured me through many people over the last few days. I think, at last, there may be some peace.

Ethan got sick Monday night, and by Tuesday evening he was having an emergency appendectomy. It was very tense, and he was very scared. In my already fragile emotional state, everything seemed magnified.

We got home Wednesday night just with enough time for me to shower and go to Odon to the funeral home. The line was long and wound through several rooms. It was hot. Becky reassured me as we waited that it would be ok and that helped. I had to chuckle several times while we waited. Judy and I shared an inside joke from practically the first week we met. Standing in that line, two people in front of me, was the person behind that inside joke. The irony was so funny. In typical Judy humor, she set me up. :)

By the time we got to the front of the line, however, I was feeling panicky. Seeing Roy and Molly and the pain on their faces... I got just close enough to the casket to see Judy's face. She looked beautiful and at peace. About that time I felt dizzy and faint and ready to break down. I had to leave the line and go outside to get some air. It was heart wrenching.

The funeral today was equally heart wrenching. They told the story of five year old Judy, who with a broken leg, was determined to walk behind her mothers casket and not be carried. Her little cast made a thumping noise as she came down the aisle of the church. Apparently everyone who was there will never forget that sight or that sound. It was a testament of her will and determination. Judy was an amazing person. Beautiful inside and out. Accepting of everyone. Compassionate and generous. Loving and loved.

Still not quite sure how to process the whole thing. The biggest comfort though was finding out during the service.... for sure.... that Judy was ready. I know now that I will see her again. Until that day... I am so going to miss her.

"We have this hope as an anchor...cause we believe, that everything, God promised us is true...
and there's a place, by God's grace, that we'll see your face again"