Sweet relief...

I cannot tell you how much relief we are feeling to have this behind us. Bear with me as I talk through the last couple days. I want to remember it all now, because I know I won't later on down the road.

We arrived at Methodist at 6:00 Monday morning. For such a massive hospital, the registration and admission process wasn't very impressive. Took almost an hour. Once we got up to the surgery floor they were ready to prep him. Everything went well. We were nervous but things moved pretty quickly so there was no time to sit and dwell on it.

Dr. Crichlow came and talked to me about the procedure. He couldn't tell me many specifics since he wasn't sure what he was going to find until he got in there. The anesthesiologist and scrub nurses were all fired up because they had never seen a surgery quite like this before. In fact, a code didn't even exist for it...they had to use a code for a different type of hip surgery. I say no code.. no cost. lol. Too bad it won't work out that way.

They called Aaron and our pastor back when they were ready to take him. It was very calming for all of us to have Pastor Greg there. We prayed over him and I think we all felt the sense that God was all over it and there was no need to worry. I did not walk away sobbing as per my usual, but it was very difficult to watch him leave me.

Surgery took right at three hours. The sciatic nerve was surrounded by scar tissue. They were able to free it without damaging it. That took about an hour and fifteen minutes. The rest of the time they worked on the bone mass. They got it all except for about two inches worth. The doc felt it was too close to the main blood supply of the pelvis to safely chip away. They reattached his hamstring to his pelvis using the tendon as best they could with sutures. Hopefully it will hold and heal. There was no rebreaking of the pelvis or plates or screws needed. That was awesome news.

He spent two hours in recovery. They would not let us see him during that time. Even though I stood at the desk a couple times and reminded them that he is a minor and I didn't want him waking up back there without me. They said unless it was a small child who woke up asking for mommy, they usually didn't have parents go back. I said just because he is 16 does not mean he won't wake up wanting his mommy. lol. Found out later he did, but they wouldn't call for me. Looking forward to filling out the survey on that part of the experience.

The first time we actually got to see him was at 2:00... 6 hrs after they had wheeled him away. We met him at his room. That was probably the most emotional part for me. Just that overwhelming sense of relief in seeing for myself he was ok. He had a pain pump and a wound vac and an iv but he really looked no worse for wear. He reached out for my hand and his first words... "I'm starving...when can i have some food." That's when I knew he was fine. :) And man did he ever have some food... a jello cup, a pudding cup, chicken fingers, fries, an ice cream cup, a brownie, and part of an Arby's that Uncle Kent brought him. He drifted in and out between courses... always reaching for my hand between the rails... <3 (I LOVED that!)

The rest of the time at the hospital went well. Therapy came to see him a couple times a day. Had him using a walker in no time. He isn't able to put weight on it yet but he can put his foot flat on the floor for balance.

The highlight of his stay was a visit from the Colts. Half a dozen players and a couple cheerleaders came in and spent about 10 minutes with him. They gave him a bag full of colts stuff and signed a football for him. Once the players left, the owner Jim Irsay came in and talked with us and gave him a $100 and signed it for him. He seemed to be a great guy and genuinely concerned. It was very cool.

Wednesday he was released around 11. He was able to sleep most of the way home. He had a steady stream of visitors that night and was soooo happy to be home. Very weak, and very sore, but so thankful it was over.

That night, wednesday night, he got really sick and started vomitting. He vomitted all night. It was the first time he had been sick through it all and I attributed it to the anesthesia working its way out of his system. He was under for a long time. By morning he was worse. The vomitting had quit, but he was very short of breath, to weak to move, and his pulse was very high and erratic. We rushed him down to Jasper where they confirmed my worst fear and suspected a pulmonary embolism. He was taken for a ct scan, and a very tense hour later we learned it was negative for clots. The ER doc explained that the all night vomitting and the intense trauma he had been through had triggered a vaso-vagal response that had mimiced symptoms of an embolism. We were able to take him home and soon after he started feeling much better.

Christmas was kinda crappy for him. He was still feeling pretty bad at that point. He was only able to stay at my dad's for a couple hours before Aaron had to take him home. Through it all he still had that Ethan smile on his face. He was more concerned about messing everyone else's Christmas up than he was about his own. Have I mentioned how much I love that child!

Now every day we notice improvement. He no longer needs pain meds, he has graduated from walker to crutches, his spirits have greatly improved and he is almost my old Ethan again. He has incisional pain and soreness from the actual surgery, but the pain caused from the bone mass and pressure on the nerve is GONE! PTL!

The incision site is pretty wicked. 60 staples. Probably the largest hip incision I have ever seen. It is healing great and we will go back to Indy to have them all removed on the 7th. He will have more scans at that time and we will find out how the healing is going on the inside. I feel confindent it will be good news.

Thanks again to everyone who prayed, called, texted or sent cards, etc. as we went through this experience. We felt every prayer and appreciated every gesture of kindness. We will continue to ask for prayer as he continues through the healing process, and as we turn our focus once again to his back.

One Week...

from today Ethan will be undergoing surgery. Right about now, as a matter of fact, they will be about an hour and 40 minutes into it. It will be done at Methodist in Indy. He should get to come home Wednesday the 22nd if all goes well. Seems awfully close to the holidays, but that is actually what we wanted because he will only miss three days of school.

This puts me in a real crunch for Christmas. Need to be done shopping and have everything wrapped by the 19th. Spent a great day in Evansville on Saturday, and braved the snow to go to Bloomington on Sunday. Believe it or not I am almost finished. That is quite a feat for me... usually takes me weeks since I am the type that just agonizes over finding just the right gift for just the right person.

So now the wrapping will begin. My step mom and my dear Susie Q have both offered to come and wrap for me. I'm thinking I may host a French Lick Red Wrapping Party and invite a few others. (cue Christy singing Red Red Wine...;) LOL. Presents may not look to hot but we sure would have fun wrapping them. :)

Ethan is doing great. Dreading the surgery, but that kid has got such a positive outlook. Plus he found out Paoli Peaks opens on the 18th, so he can ski Saturday, and Sunday, and have surgery on Monday. I know you may be wondering why I would let my kid with a broken back and broken pelvis go skiing... but like I told him... if he breaks something, he's already scheduled for surgery anyway. :)

First snow day of the year today. Fireplace is going, kids are having hot chocolate and talking and laughing. Christmas music is playing. I love it. I have really been paying attention to things lately. Sights, and sounds, and images. I think because with the business, I have been living life at hyper speed for the last three years. And now that it's gone...its suddenly quiet. My dad texted me last night to find out if school had been called off yet. When I said yes he replied... "enjoy these times honey (having all your kids home on a snow day) You will not always have them." Such a sad thought, but so very true. I am going to make today a great day. <3

Latest on E...

Last week we went for a second opinion with a new dr. at Orho Indy. He believes the break happened over time due to a degenerative disease. He also believes there really isn't enough bone left to go in and fix, as much of what was broken off has disentegrated. His lower vertebrae are not formed correctly and put a lot of pressure on eachother, which could be the reason for everything. Monday I took him to Greenwood for a facet joint block between L3 and L4. If it relieves the pain, they will know the pain is originating from there and treat it accordingly. If it does not help his pain they will do some other testing to try to find the exact source before they decide how to proceed. Surgery is still an option. We discussed the Riley Dr.'s opinion that he would definatley need surgery to cement the vertebrae back together and perform a biopsy to rule out cancer... this dr. does not share that opinion, but was going to present Ethan's case to his colleagues to make sure he has plenty of input. We felt SO much better with this doctor. (he also told Ethan he could lose the brace which absolutely made his day!)

As for his hip, that surgery is a must. We will be getting a date for it sometime this week. Want to get it done by the end of the year. Will be very extensive and risky due to the proximity to the sciatic nerve. Will take several hours to scrape all that bone out and then repair the damage. Recovery will be painful and long. Crutches and no weight bearing for at least 6 weeks. Lots of physical therapy afterwards. Ethan is VERY upset about this. Was planning on spending a lot of time at Paoli Peaks this winter. Also freaking out about missing school and his grades slipping. I'm just praying for him to come to terms with it and accept it and take one day at a time.

He gets his driver's license on the 28th of this month. As of last week he has a new great big Dodge truck sitting in the driveway (early christmas/cheer up present) He is hoping he will be able to at least drive by then...don't really have the heart to tell him otherwise just yet.

On another note...the business is gone. Tim and Amy Troutman are the new owners of SSL Sports. It has been more of an adjustment than I thought it would be. It's been a very long time since I actually had time to do...well... anything other than shirts. I LOVE that! We will continue all of our greek university based orders from that company. But those big orders believe it or not, are so much less time consuming than all of the individual and smaller community based orders. I wish Tim and Amy the best and hope that they will receive the overwhelming support that we did over the last almost 4 years.

News, news and more news...

Made the trip to the hip specialist at Methodist yesterday. Ethan has a large (size of a plum) osteoma (bone mass) at the site where the track injury occurred back in the spring of 07. The pelvis broke at the ishcial tuberosity (lower part you sit on). It was pulled apart at the growth plate and the degree of separation was too great to allow it to heal. So for 3 and a half years he has been forming new bone and scar tissue in that area. It is against his sciatic nerve which is causing a lot of his pain.

Doc said that this would be a "big surgery" and not one that they see very often. Because of the proximity of the mass to that main nerve it will be a risky procedure. Also big risk of infection and long, painful recovery from the scraping away of that bone. He will have to take medication for awhile to prevent more unwanted bone growth in that area as he heals. He said it was a big decision for us to make...but basically we are damned if we do and damned if we don't.

This doc also looked at the mri's of his spine and did not like the brace he is in so he asked if I would like him to send us for a second opinion. We will see a different spine specialist on the 23rd. If that spine dr. clears him for surgery on his hip at that time, we will schedule it right away.

Still no answers as to why he has a broken back. Hoping this new doctor will be able to figure that out. This hip doctor from yesterday did say that the vertebrae below the one that is broken has a congential abnormality and could possibly have contributed to the break. That would be fantastic news. Would love to get the big "C" word off the table.

So... in light of everything we have going right now, we made a major decision. As of Friday we have sold the business. SSL Sports is now under new ownership. We will transition everything over during the course of the next couple weeks. This is the local business. We will continue to do all of our university fraternity/sorority business under it's own name. It was a very difficult thing to do but when we were approached by a buyer we knew it needed to happen. The kids come first and really nothing else matters.

More updates...

Ethan's bone scan showed a spot on his hip along with the area to his spine. Our first fear of course was tumor. We spent a very tense several days awaiting the results from that xray. Thankfully though, we were told that there is a break in the lower part of his pelvis as well. (ischial region) It was classified as an old avulsion fracture. Poor kids been walking around with a broken back AND a broken hip.

As far as we know at this point, this injury is not related to the break in the back and we are pretty sure we know the cause. Two years ago on the first hurdle of the first race of the first track meet of 8th grade, Ethan went down. It was a terrible hamstring injury. He could not walk or bear weight on that leg. We were told both the first and second time we went to the dr. for this that hamstring injuries just take a long time to heal...it was never xrayed and we were more or less just told to ice and rest it.... hmmmm... same advice we were given for his back.....

So anyway, the fracture never healed and now there is a lot of ossified bone in and around that part of his pelvis. Most likely looking at surgery and a possible bone graft to fix it all.

As far as his back goes... we will continue to wait. His next appointment at Riley is on December 3rd. They will do a follow up MRI at that time. If the bones do not show sufficient healing, the next step will be surgery and a biopsy.

He is doing well for the most part. The brace really has helped his pain. He continues to have hip and leg pain but at least we know the source of that now. So we wait.

Have I ever mentioned I am not a very patient person....

Update

Made the trip to Riley on Friday. After the doctor and their radiologist went over Ethan's MRI's we were told that his back is broken at the L4 vertebrae. Not just a simple fracture...there is a huge piece broken off the back side. Apparently the lower lumbar vertebrae are the strongest and most difficult to break and usually don't unless there is some kind of traumatic injury to that area or in an elderly person with osteopoerosis or similar bone disease. So the new question became why would this happen in an otherwise healthy 16 year old.

Riley isn't your typical hospital and things were very well orchestrated. We were able to have several more tests run while we were there including a CT scan and he was fitted for the brace he is now wearing. There were no long waits and we were well taken care of. Thursday of this week he will have a nuclear bone scan to look for underlying disease processes that may cause weakening of the bones.

Ethan is understandably very down. The brace is very uncomfortable because it has to be so tight. He is having a hard time adjusting to it. Please continue to pray for his healing, for answers, and for our strength as we deal with whatever the outcome may be.

The song playing is one of his favorites. His favorite verse is from Isaiah 40:28-31... "The Everlasting God, will never grow faint or weary. He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless. Youths may grow faint and tired, and young men may stumble and fall, but those who trust in the LORD will renew their strength." He has an unwavering faith and I am so thankful for that.

Prayers for Ethan...

Ethan suffers from chronic low back pain. He has pain every day. Somedays it's just a mild ache and somedays it's hard for him to sit or stand or lay down. I've taken him to the doctor 3 times for this over the course of the last year. Each time I was told it was because he was growing so fast the muscles couldn't keep up. Granted, he has grown... a lot... standing almost 6'1" now. But all the ibuprofen and stretching exercises they were giving us were getting us nowhere.

So when the pain started radiating down one leg and he started having some numbness and tingling we made yet another trip to Jasper. With this new set of symptoms the doc FINALLY took it seriously enough to order an MRI. Being a nurse and knowing my kid like I do, I should have insisted on that the last time, but I like to feel like I can trust my doctor. Hindsight... Mom's...always trust your gut instincts.

Today we go for a second MRI with contrast. The first MRI showed not one, but 3 bulging discs, one with some mild spinal stenosis and one pressing on a nerve root. No wonder the poor boy has been in so much pain. There were also many Smorl's nodes...not exactly sure what that is, but according to the radiologist is an indicator of Scheuermann's Disease... which when present in the lumbar region is actually called Juvenille Discogenic Disease...which is the equivalent of adult Degenerative Disc Disease. Don't know if you followed all that or not but in other words... it's not a good thing.

Friday morning we will take the results from both MRI's and meet with a pediatric neurosurgeon up at Riley. It's no fun hearing your child's name in the same sentence with "Riley" and "neurosurgeon" let me tell you.

So anyway... any prayers sent our way would be appreciated. God willing I will be able to post a positive update over the weekend.

Ethan had a writing assignment recently that was suppose to begin "I am what I am." I don't often get to see his assignments anymore, but I came upon this one and I just loved it... so I snuck a copy. He would not be happy with me if he knew I posted it here, but since he doesn't read mom's blog I am doing it anyway :). He described himself so acurately. Just as I see him. Nice to know he knows exactly who he is. I know I didn't at 16.

I am what I am...by Ethan Jones

I am what I am and that's all that I am...
I am the country boy that everyone knows and loves.
I am what I am.
I am the dirt road kid that was raised the right way.
I am the person people know they can turn to when they're in a tight spot...
I am what I am.

I am what I am...
I am the kid in the back just hanging out.
I am a quiet, but loud when I need to be kind of guy.
I am what I am.
I am the guy that makes up for others mistakes.
I am always watching out for my friends.
I am what I want to be...I am what makes me happy...
I am what I am.

I am what I am...
I am the average baseball player that has his fare share of playing time and sitting the bench.
I am the athletic kid that loves trucks and four wheelers.
I am what I am.
I am the student that friends come to for school work help.
I am the down to earth kid that I have always wanted to be...
I am what I am.

"So it's sorta social...

Demented and sad...but social." Can you name that movie in one quote? One of my all time top fives. The Breakfast Club. I saw this morning that the cast (minus Emilio) reunited for the 25th anniversary of the movie. OMG!

So I got to thinking about the movie and the messages that go with it about social order and fitting in and all that stuff...which led me to think about FB... which is also at times sorta demented and sad... but social.

Just like the characters in the movie; the brain, the princess, the jock, the basket case, and the criminal... there are also distincly different characters on fb. Each one bringing their own bit of entertainment to the table.

First, there is the closet user. You know the type. Wants to be part of the scene but only watches from the shadows. Maybe a little afraid to admit they've succumbed to the social pressure of joining. You know they're on there cause you see their little green dot. But they never comment or post anything. They just watch.

Then there is the stalker. These are usually the people from your past whose sole purpose on fb is just to look at your pictures cause they either loved you once and can't let go or you really made them mad in high school and they want to see if you've gotten fat over the years.

Gotta love the drama seekers. These are the folks who post status' in order to either upset people, cause controversy or call attention to themselves. These folks crave attention and the more sorry they can make you feel for them and the more comments they can collect, the more they love it. Perhaps the saddest of the fb heirarchy.

Ahhh... the true fb addict. This particular breed of facebooker post 100 times a day and you always know exactly where they are, what they are doing, and when they last took a bathroom break. I find these people the most entertaining.

And finally, the social butterflies. These people just truly enjoy the interaction with others. They don't over post or under post. They comment appropriately. They have no hidden agendas or addictions or issues with over-use. Just really enjoy checking in with people once in awhile.

So there you have it. My random take on the similarities between The Breakfast Club and Facebook. I know your asking yourselves where the heck this blog came from, so I'll answer by ending this post with a modification of the most famous excerpt from the movie...

"Dear Loyal Readers: I accept the fact that I had to sacrifice a whole Wednesday morning on blogspot for whatever it was that prompted this blog. You may think I'm crazy to write a blog telling you who I think you are. I see you as I want to see you: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what I have found out is that each one of us is. . . a closet user . . . a stalker . . . a drama seeker . . . an addict . . . and a social butterfly. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The FB Club."

Birthday's, First Days, and Bifocals...

Since my last post Jaden has celebrated his 7th birthday with the traditional party at Papaw Burns'... Hard to believe that he could be 7 and a first grader. I don't know where the time goes.

Also, since my last post, Ava has started preschool. She walked in like she owned the place...hung up her Dora backpack...told me bye and never looked back. All 30 pounds of pure independance left me standing there wondering what the heck I'm gonna do now. All of the sudden there are 6 hours each week that I have ALL 4 kids in school. Truth be told, I don't like it much. I'm a mom. It's what I do. When my kids aren't around I tend to be slightly lost. I am thankful that even though I have only a short time left with my oldest... I have many years left with my baby girl. I looked at Ethan last night as he was holding Ava. She had her little arms wrapped around his neck and they were smooching and exchanging I love you's. One so tall and so grown up looking, holding one so petite and just starting out. I got all teary. It was a good teary though. God knows what being a mom means to me and he has made sure that I will always have babies around me. What a blessing.

On a side note...I was forced to surrender to the bifocal this month. Turning 43 and receiving such a symbol of old age just doesn't seem fair to me. As my ever faithful bestie put it so lovingly in text message... "you are officially old." What a melancholic moment... (and I use that word correctly:) Oh well, I am slowly learning to take this aging thing in stride. Like dad always says... It's better than the alternative.

Three months gone by...

Almost four actually. I have found myself with a little time this morning so I thought maybe I should use it to get back among the land of the blogging. Not only have I myself not blogged... I haven't even been on to read other people's blogs. I was happy to find today that I have not been the only one with lack of time/words lately.

We have had an eventful summer. Lots of work as usual. Took the big extended family trip to florida...which went well...once we got over the near fatal car crash on the way down. We are thankful to be alive, nearly past the post traumatic stress of it, and got a new van out of the deal. We celebrated Ethan's 16th birthday in a very non-eventful way. (How was I suppose to know boys don't want a big sweet sixteen party?...I'm still dealing with that disappointment...cause MOM wanted the big party!) Austin rocked the Battle of the Bands at catfish festival... I attended my 25th high school reunion and surprisingly had a great time. It was actually a good experience for all of us. Very cool to reconnect. We are in negotiations to expand the business in a huge way...a very nationwide way...wish us luck on that. All the kids are doing well. I survived another first day of school. Ava is preparing for pre-school...Jaden is liking first grade... Austin is semi-enjoying eighth... and Ethan is tolerating his sophomore year. He is in his first "real" realtionship... head over heels in love... and a joy to watch. Friday he leaves to attend the Chrysallis at Camp Illiana, which is essentially the Walk to Emmaus for 16 to 18 year old boys. He is very excited and we are too as you can imagine.

That's it in a nutshell...here are some pics and a video to go along with it...


Hit from behind at 75 mph...not once but 3 times...boys covered in glass but not a scratch...a little whiplash...a rental vehicle...and on with vacay...God is good


Jones Triple Dip in Florida

Reunion pics





That 1 Band - Catfish Festival (paust playlist to listen)




Ethan and Aimee... a match made in heaven :)

Guest Blog...

This is from my brother's blog. I know there is a link to it over on my sidebar... but it was just too good not to post.

Sometimes, God Gives You a Moment
April 30th, 2010

Spring is such a great time. Warmer weather, everything turns green again and certain events signal the arrival of the season. Easter, Spring Break, the Kentucky Derby - and at our house - Prom. My son is a Senior this year, and Prom is tomorrow night. He’s chosen a delightful young lady as his date, and anticipation is in the air.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to meet him at the tux shop to pick up his attire. It was a beautiful, sunny day - the place was abuzz with other teenage boys - some arriving solo, and others with various advisors and confidantes in tow. I took a seat out front as my son went back to the dressing room to make sure everything fit properly. After a few minutes, I heard him call, “Dad?”…I showed him the fine art of putting on cufflinks and returned to my seat. Then something magical happened.

I had returned to the front of the shop and was passing time by fiddling with my Blackberry. The store had emptied, and I had a clear line of sight to the dressing room hallway. Some nice music was playing on the intercom, and I was enjoying a few minutes of downtime. After a bit, I looked up just as my son emerged from the dressing room in his tuxedo. So mature, so grown up, so handsome. We made eye contact - and something happened in that moment. Life went into slow motion. I felt a rush of conflicting emotions - pride, joy and sadness. My son is grown. I am so proud of him, and so sad that his time with me is coming to a close. A parent’s work is never over, but the bulk of my work is done. Now he stands before me in a tuxedo, his eyes once again looking for his father’s approval, just as he has since he was a little boy.

Although he didn’t notice, it was tough for old Dad to keep it together. I smiled and told him how nice he looked. He walked to the front of the store and we stared in the full-length mirror. He was focused on the length of his jacket sleeves; I was struck by the image of father and son standing together. My mind flashed to the day he was born - I can still see it vividly in my mind. Now he stood there, nearly as tall as me. I noticed the age on my face, and the youth on his.

Nothing prepares you for that.

With everything in order, he changed back into his normal clothes, we paid the bill, and off he went. For him, it was an important item off the pre-Prom to-do list. For me, all I can say is that sometimes, God gives you a moment.

Long Time No Write.....

Could life possibly move any faster. Even though some days seem to drag on for weeks... time in general is flying by. 34 days of school left... WHAT???!!! Wasn't it just spring break? April is half over when it just started. We are two short months away from having half of 2010 behind us... and man that is just scary.

Baseball season officially arrived here at the Jones house last month. Business wise we can't breathe at the start of baseball season. But I am starting to see the light and hopefully next week will be able to breathe again. Kid wise we are also covered up with baseball... Ethan on the high school team playing 3 times a week, Jaden in little league playing twice a week... and come June, Austin will join the mix when Pony League starts. It's a good thing I love to watch my boys play.

Little miss Ava turned 4 last month. I told her on her birthday when you turn four, you aren't allowed to throw fits anymore....guess i will try that speech again when she turns 5. Last night as I sat in the floor of the hallway with my head in my hands (as she was in the bathtub letting out blood curdling screams) I tried to remind myself that there will come a day when she doesn't throw fits anymore... I just hope I make it to that day.

My nephew Max turned 18 a couple of weeks ago. Don't know how that happened. He will be graduating from Carmel High School in June. And speaking of graduating... my baby brother Evan will be graduating from IU on May 8th. Already has his own office to run his company from and a new place to live in Indy. Have I mentioned before how proud I am of that boy?? ;)

I leave you today with some insightful words from one of my favorite people...:) "Life moves pretty fast... if you don't stop and look around once in awhile... you could miss it." Ferris Buehler

What a good looking bunch....if I do say so myself :)


Max's Senior picture.... soooo cute


Last day with the toddler bed :)

Godsend...

Websters dictionary defines a godsend as "a desirable needed thing or event that comes unexpectedly...as if from God." ("as if" LOL- there is no as if about it:) I experienced such an event last night firsthand.

I am blessed to have a particular group of friends that never cease to amaze me. I have, as of late, kind of shut everything and everyone out of my life....these friends included. I am a master wall builder, believe me. I have old walls that were started in my childhood, and new walls that have just begun to take shape. Walls that I have managed to knock to the ground, others that are partially broken, and a few that are as strong as a fortress that I fear may never come down. Very few people ever get to see behind those walls.

Last night, these amazing women in my life, staged an intervention of sorts. They did it because they love me. They did it to let me know in no uncertain terms that they love me unconditionally. They did it to point out just how much I have seperated myself from others and from God as of late. And to show me that I will never find the answers or the peace I so desperately seek by doing so.

Once you belong to God and you run from Him... He will chase you down. He will use the people He has put into your life and sprinkle in a godsend here and there. He is relentless in His pursuit and I LOVE that about Him. He will still love you even when you resist His efforts... in fact, He may love you just a bit more during those times.

Today I am thankful for these friends. Thankful that they love me without question or uncertainty. Thankful that they do not, nor would they ever, judge or condemn. Thankful that they care enough to step up and take over when things are out of control and my strength is gone. Thankful that they know me so well it's downright scary... despite my best efforts to keep them at arms length.

Two of my girls check on me pretty much daily without fail. Especially if they have not heard from me for awhile (or a couple hours:) This morning, one of them made a profound impact on me. From God's mouth to her ears to me via text. She changed everything. She said a lot of things that changed my perspective today, but this statement, very simple and concise and to the point spoke volumes to me. Even though I already knew.. it was sooo what I needed to hear. She said "honey...you have got to get back with God. His plans were laid out for you before you were born. He has the steering wheel."

I don't know what the future holds... but I know who holds the future. :)

Enough already...

I have had serious blogger block lately... not that I haven't had inspiration...just haven't been able to articulate those thoughts. Sometimes life is difficult that way.

I'm thinking I have spring fever...Is it too early for that? I love a good deep snowfall as much as the next person, but once a season is usually enough for me. Kids out of school a few days... great. Out of school a couple weeks... well.... There are advantages to being snowed in once in awhile, don't get me wrong. But enough already. At this rate it will be mid June before summer vacation officially begins. That pretty much bites.

But the great thing is that seasons change. This time in our lives won't last forever. A new season will begin leaving us feeling refreshed and renewed. I love how that happens.

Happy Birthday Austin!!

Fourteen years ago, the temperature was -12 degress.... that's MINUS 12 degrees. There was also quite a bit of snow on the ground as Aaron and I made the hour long drive to the Bloomington hospital. My water had already broken at home, but I hadn't started having contractions yet. It was five weeks before my due date.

For the next 20 hours... I labored. It wasn't bad, just exhausting. Many people hung out and waited. Mom, Dad, my step mom Julie, my brothers Kent and Evan, my sister-in-law Patti, my neice Haley, and our good friends Mike and Kristy. They waited, and waited and waited. At one point somewhere around midnight a few of them braved the cold and went out for breakfast. They still talk about how painfully cold it was that night.

FINALLY, at 2 in the morning, after 3 pushes, Austin made his grand entrance. After the traditional "It's a Boy!" the next thing the dr. said was "He's a little red headed baby!"

She was right... sort of .... his hair wasn't exactly red. It was bright orange. Bright orange fuzz all over his tiny head and tiny little eyebrows that looked like they had been drawn on with an orange crayon. He was perfect. All 6 tiny pounds of him.

Unfortunately he had gurgles... his lungs held some fluid. No doubt from being 5 weeks early. He was whisked past all the people who had been waiting hours to see him and taken to the nursery. He spent three days in an incubator on oxygen but he did very well considering.

So three days later we brought him home. Ethan was only 18 months at the time, but oh so excited. They have been best friends ever since.

Today, it seems like fourteen years went by in the blink of an eye. He has grown into such a great person. So fun to be around, such the crack-up, so smart, loving, considerate, sensitive and talented. Happy Birthday Austin...even though you're not so tiny anymore...you'll always be my little orange headed boy!

Back to normal...

Finally!... Although I enjoyed the holidays, there is something to be said for getting back to the regular routine.

Everything is put away... Everything is clean... The kids are back in school... I am breathing a sigh of relief today. Bet I'm not the only one.

I am not, however, looking forward to the long cold winter that lies ahead. Winter depresses me. In fact, I have not stepped foot out the door for seven days now. Can't tolerate the cold, so I stay inside, which adds to the winter blues... it's a viscous cycle.

Today I will venture out to, of all places, Walmart. What in the world could possibly be more depressing than going to walmart when it is 14 degrees outside.

Hate winter... Hate Walmart... the two combined... don't get me started.